the lucidity diaries, entry one

For some time I've been fascinated in the concept of lucid dreaming. Lucid dreaming is basically the conscious knowledge that you are in a dream. Once you have this knowledge, you are restricted only by your ability to imagine and conceive, not by the laws of physics or society.

Now keep in mind that it is possible to be lucid and have little to no control over the content in a dream, or conversely, to exact an enormous amount of control but never realize that you are in a dream. Becoming lucid increases the extent to which you can influence events or environment. It really all comes down to the amount of confidence you exude.

I've done a lot of research on achieving lucid dreams, and it all starts with working on dream recall. When you become more familiar with your dreams, you can begin to recognize patterns and features that commonly appear. This is important because it will help you understand they are dreams as they are happening. This will also help you in remembering that you've achieved lucid dreaming... because what's the point if you have them and you can't even remember.

So for the last two weeks, I've kept a dream journal at my bedside. As soon as I wake up from a dream, be it in the morning or in the middle of the night, I write down everything I can remember about the dream... even if it's totally fragmented or just a little snippet. Details are really important here. I've become familiar with trends in my dreams. Probably the most significant is that the settings are supposed to be places that I know, but they are different. So I am in my living room, I accept that it's my living room but in looks nothing like my living room. Same for friends' houses, especially houses that I've never been to (more on that later!) and my office. The key here is that if I can realize this while I'm still in this setting, then I can come to the realization that I'm in a dream and thereby become lucid.

There are a couple of reasons that I've been looking to do this. First of all, it would just be cool to have the ability to control my enviroment and have adventures that I desire. But I also have a more specific task... facing fears. Lucid dreams allow the ability to combat nightmares by allowing courage in a controlled environment. The idea is that in dreaming the fear is real but the harm is not... so given the willpower you can face those nightmares. I think the same applies for real life phobias, so that's a strong focus. There are three fears in particular that I want to work on. My fear of heights, auto accidents and spiders. The fear of heights is something that I think I can conquer much easier because that's so much more in my control. In a lucid state I can be at great heights practicing to limit vertigo and increase balance. I think working at this will give me more confidence in the waking world. The last two I have a little less confidence in... simply that they're beyond my control. I can control my balance... but I cannot control someone else who is driving, surrounding traffic or our arachnid friends. So we'll see.

Three nights ago I achieve momentary lucidity... but it was ridiculously quick. I was in Colorado at my parents house and realized that I never took a flight there, so I had to be dreaming. Upon this realization, I immediately woke up.

But then last night... this is what's got me excited. I didn't want to blog about my experiments yet, because who knew how long it would take to work, if ever. But oh last night! I was having a festival meeting with Alexis, Jon, Rick & Nate at Alexis' apartment. We were talking about random festival related stuff. Jon & Nathan were in the kitchen cutting up cracker barrell cheese. Rick was attempting to review notes but was being distracted by Alexis' cockatiel. Alexis was feeding her bunny some lettuce.

Then it hit me.

I've never been to Alexis' house. Don't even know the address. How could I be there if I don't even know the street? I was dreaming, and knew it. I immediately tried to calm down. I went over and asked Jon how the bed he bought from Rick was working out for him and Laura... knowing full well that not only has he never bought a bed from Rick but that his wife's name is Diane, not Laura. He answered that it was great, they couldn't be happier. Well holy hell, that confirmed it. So then I decided to try to manipulate my environment. I concentrated really hard and pulled the dial out on my watch (my faceless watch). Time stopped. I'm talking every single thing completely froze. Jon - midword. Nathan - knife rinsing under the tap water, locked in a solid waterfall. Alexis - bent over, lettuce frozen in the teeth of her rabbit. Rick- leaning in to watch Racecar Fatsnacks, with his little wings raised up. It was intense. I tried to stay calm. Was this just a snapshot image, or was everything really stagnant? I decided to try to move around everyone so that I wasn't a snapshot... I started to move and it was working... I made it two steps before I got so excited that I woke up. The whole lucid part was maybe 45 seconds of perceived time.

OMG, that was so crazy and that's what prompted this post. Now that I've gotten this far, I'm going to be sure to record more of my progress here. This is just so great! The big thing I have to work on is keeping control of my excitement so I don't wake up. Matt's gotta put on the poker face...

More to come, hopefully in smaller posts.

what can be done?

January 10th - London - Sixty one years ago today, the first General Assembly of the United Nations was convened. An international organization founded after WWII with the purpose of facilitation cooperation in international law and security, economic development, social progress and human rights. One of the chief hopes of the Allied Powers was that the UN would act to intevene in conflicts between nations and thereby avoid war.

January 10th - Washington D.C. - 9pm tonight, Bush addressed the nation from the White House Library. He will now increase the presence of troops for the second time in twelve months. An additional 20,000 troops will be sent to Iraq. The plan is to use the strength of these numbers to penetrate and clear the insurgent strongholds in Baghdad. They will also be used to maintain zones that have already been cleared from being repopulated with insurgents. Even though I knew this was coming, I am still completely beside myself. 20,000 troops is not enough to do what he wants to do and if far too many to risk on this worsening situation. Already 3,000 of our soldiers have died. He expects a higher rate of mortality too. He's leading so many more into bloodshed. Look, sectarian violence has existed here for almost 1,500 years. You really think this is going to stop it?

At what point do we draw the line? The more we tip the scales with our troops the more dependent they are becoming on them and the harder the fall when we eventually leave. We've "freed" them. We've removed Sadaam and held him to trial by Iraqis. We've helped them establish a constitution and hold elections. What more are we going to do here and at what cost?

He's warned that the removal of troops will embolden Iran. I think our continued presence in the Middle East will embolden them more. He's warned that it will create a safe bed for terrorists. People that oppose us will always exist and I'd rather have them in an area we know that to have them scattered to places unknown. That's more of a risk.

So now congress will pass a resolution saying they oppose increased troops. And that's great... we know how great Bush is at listening to the will of anyone who thinks differently from him. They won't cut funding... not a chance in hell. So they're powerless dissenters like the rest of us. How did my country reelect this man? How can he be the face of America? How much longer are we going to push our version of peace at the tip of a gun?

whoa nellie!

I just got my employee profile for 2007 that tabulates all my allowed time off. I carried over quite a bit. Specifically, two personal days and nine vacation days. Yeah... nine vacation days. Most people get ten total. I carried over nine (does this mean Matt doesn't take enough time off?)

Aye, here's the rub kiddies... That means that for 2007, I have 11 sick days, 24 vacation days (yeah, that's five weeks) and 6 personal days.

Collectively that's 41 days.
8.2 weeks.
TWO MONTHS of time off?!?!

Well slap my ass and call me Judy.

cha-cha-cha-changes

Well there's a lot going on right now. A few weeks back, Jon left HellBaby. He and Diane will be moving to Chicago fairly soon, and it seemed a logical transition time for him. This means that he'll probably be stepping down as a festival producer within the month as well. I'm really going to miss them, but am so excited for them too.

Last night Deb left HellBaby too. She commutes in from North Jersey every week for rehearsal, and it's become too much of a strain for her. So now we are down to four. We're going to have to do some restructuring to get back on track but I am hoping we can set things right and this will inevitably reinvigorate us collectively.

Last week Corey and I invited to have Alli come play with us at my house, and it went really well. She seemed to fit in nicely and we've taken the plunge. Alli is now the newest Man About Town. I'll be booking a show for us soon.

The second round of Troika is coming up in two weeks. I am really excited. Last month was a great success and I'm hard at work to hammer out the kinks from last time. We have some really nice talent and think there'll be some fun stuff happening on stage.

I'll leave you with this little snippet from the darling Elizabeth Barrett Browning's Change Upon Change

Five months ago the stream did flow,
The lilies bloomed within the sedge,
And we were lingering to and fro,
Where none will track thee in this snow,
Along the stream, beside the hedge.
Ah, Sweet, be free to love and go!
For if I do not hear thy foot,
The frozen river is as mute,
The flowers have dried down to the root.
And why, since these be changed since May,
Shouldst thou change less than they.