murphy's law has possessed my body

I wake up this morning at 7am. The alarm on my phone was disabled for some reason... perhaps when I plugged it in last night. I get out of bed and promptly trip over Xena, falling flat on my face. I get dressed and go downstairs, making sure to miss a step and fall down the last few steps. I fill Xena's bowl with some food and a little water. She gets excited, jumps up and spills it all over my pants. I clean it up, go back up stairs and change. I grab my stuff and head out the door, tearing my shirt on the door jam. I head back upstairs, change my shirt and then head back out again. I get to the subway and realize that my wallet is in the pants that I took off before. Head back to the house, grab my wallet and then it's back to the subway. As I'm crossing the street to the westbound platform, a friendly pigeon decides to shit on my collar. I get off the subway, head to the station toilets and clean my collar. I journey above ground to the coffee shop and get some much needed caffeine. I had to laugh a little when the lid popped off and coffee went all over the counter. I get another cup, journey up to my office, sit down, look at the clock and sigh... I'm only 90 minutes into my day.