An email of nonsensical whimsy

So I sent an email to a friend the other day congratulating her on her new apartment. I intimated that she should "hang out with her wang out like it's going out of style." She asked for clarification on the term wang, and this was my response:

Wang, or Wáng, as is the preferred Cantonese nomenclature romantization... literally translates to "king" - although the bearing on the name has no royal implications. Instead it is used here to infer a cross gender application. As traditional Chinese society does not adopt the European tenets of monarchies, there is sadly no translation for term "queen." So for the purposes of this discussion, we will use this implied bastardization to serve as a placeholder so that we can continue on a course of rational thought under an umbrella of mutual understanding. M'mkay pumpkin?

The initial preconception may be of a jovial celebration in anticipation of your new residence... or in more crude terms, a boisterous well-wishing of sorts. That as the only occupant of your new home, in even the lowest denominator, your title and station thrive without challenge and thereby designated you as the supreme ruler defacto (derived from the latin, confuto satraps). The realized analogic personification that you are indeed "Queen of the Castle."

In actuality, as socialistic as it may appear, my main assertion was to put the good of the whole above the good of the individual for the purpose of pointing out the gender distintions as they exist in the juxtaposted realities of eastern vs western etymologies. So it's not so much wishing you a warm welcome as the denizen of your new hearth and home as it is a searing vision of the wounds this century has inflicted on traditional masculinity.

P.S. Let me know if you want help picking out curtains!